Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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