I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
