I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
