She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
