So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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