I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sponge bath it is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
