Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
