My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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