hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
