My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize