thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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