break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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