Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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