I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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