Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
