OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
