her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
