I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
