Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
