Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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