We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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