i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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