Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
