Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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