I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize