I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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