P.S. I can't hear my feet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize