Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
