THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
