Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
