i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
