is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
