Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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