thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
