i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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