Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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