so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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