I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Randomize
