i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
