somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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