If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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