Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
