Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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