Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
