I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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