There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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