i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize