If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
