My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
