May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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