So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
