how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
