white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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