got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
