Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
