Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
