mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know her cup size but not her name....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
