dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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