so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
