Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
being pregnant is like rehab
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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