I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
