There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
