You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
