the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
