just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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