Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
