normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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