He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
