so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
