the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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