I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
