Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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