Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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