I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
