So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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