I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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