Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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