I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
