Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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