the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
