the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
