I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize