What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
