He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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