I CAN MOONWALK!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
