You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
