I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
