:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize