Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
