I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize