Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
