So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
