I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
