And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
