I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize