the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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