Fuck appropriateness.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
how drunk are you?
Several
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
