how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
