I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
