Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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