can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
