if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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